As school time approaches, parents of twins everywhere are making a decision that may affect their children's academic career for years to come: Should their twins be placed in the same classroom or not?

Theresa Barnes, a 38-year-old public relations consultant from Denver, Col., spent the first six years of school separated from her twin. Looking back, she wonders what might have been if they hadn't been in different classrooms. "We were told that it made it easier on the teachers," says Barnes. "I'm not sure it made it easier on us."

In first grade, Barnes' twin, Lisa, had a wonderful and supportive teacher while Barnes drew a teacher that wasn't so wonderful. "While my twin spent most of her day enjoying school, I spent mine hating it," says Barnes. "Then we would return home to discover how different things were for each of us. At a grade level in which we could have been supportive of one another, we were separated."

Making the Decision
The pros and cons of having your twins in the same classroom are many and should be addressed before any decision is made. Dr. Erika Karres, parenting expert and author of the book, Make Your Kids Smarter: 50 Top Teacher Tips (Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2002), feels that parents should get as much information as possible before making the final decision. "Some of the pros include having a built-in friend and best study buddy," says Dr. Karres. "Some of the cons include being constantly compared to one another."

Heidi Dirkse-Graw, founder of Dirkse Counseling and Consulting and a twin herself, agrees that twins, even more than other siblings, run the risk of being compared to one another. "Comparison, which is the normal response to twins, can have a harmful effect on the developing self-esteem of twins," says Dirkse-Graw. "Parents often make the mistake of comparing children and pointing out their differences. This is often done because they are looking for similarity, and they may be surprised by the differences. Teachers and peers do the same thing. Each child, twin or not, is in the process of developing a sense of self and discovering their own individuality."

Dirkse-Graw says that children, especially twins, need to have an environment that celebrates their uniqueness. Dirkse-Graw and her twin sister were not placed in the same classes in elementary school and she enjoyed having a space to herself. "It provided an opportunity for me to be seen as a separate person," she says. "In later years, I felt less ability to remain separate and my experience with teachers involved their confusion and mix up. I think we both felt that we were at one time or another misjudged due to the behavior of the other (good and bad)."

Dirkse-Graw believes that individuating is an extremely important developmental step for twins because when they are younger they are often symbiotic in their relationship with each other. Schooling offers an opportunity to grow out of a symbiotic relationship into one that is separate. "When twins are in separate classrooms they are functioning independently and can develop a sense of self, apart from their twin," she says. "If they are placed into the same classroom you will see an increase in either competition or in the polarity of roles such as good student/bad student."

While Dirkse-Graw is fairly adamant about separating twins in the classroom during the early years, some mothers aren't so sure.

Angela Drinkwater, from Greenport, N.Y., is one such mother. Drinkwater is not only an identical twin, but the mother of identical twins. She has chosen, after much thought, to put her twin boys in the same classroom. "I believe that there is a difference between comparison and competition," says Drinkwater. "I think healthy competition can help children achieve. They are both very smart, and I like the idea of them being with each other to help ‘raise the bar’ for the other guy. Comparisons are different. We never compare, but we do use each of them to show what the other one can do … we praise them equally and for their own attributes, etc."

Drinkwater also believes they will become better known for their individual traits if they are in the same class. Families know which twin is which because they know them so well. By having her twins in the same class, she feels that other children will come to know them individually as opposed to having them in different classrooms with each classroom not knowing the other twin at all.

Other factors contributed to Drinkwater’s decision. Both of her boys are allergic to peanuts and having them in the same classroom cuts down on the possibility of dangerous mistakes. Volunteering is easier as well. "Although I work, I have a flexible schedule, so I like to volunteer at the school a lot," says Drinkwater. "I would rather go to one class than two. I can do it more often for both of them instead of splitting my time." Her twins will be in the second grade this year, and she plans on monitoring their progress closely, but so far both are developing well in the same class.

Know Your Twins
So what is a parent to do? Much of the decision lies within the twins themselves. Are they independent of each other? Are they each other's best friends? Do they have similar tastes? Is one of the twins overly dominating? Some twins remember their class time together with fondness, while others enjoyed time apart. In the end, it is the parents’ choice based on their twins’ own temperaments and personalities.

Dr. Karres believes that parents need to be flexible and use common sense. "Some twins are closer than Velcro; others are distinct and strong individuals and want to do their own thing," says Dr. Karres. "Let the twins themselves make some decisions about clothes, about wanting to be in class together, about hobbies, sports, etc. Never let the ‘twindom’ trump your positive parenting power. The children and their own needs are more important than any twin myths or matchings."

Want to see more?

• Separation Anxiety: A Dad Reflects on Choosing Separate Classrooms for His Twins
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• Start a diary!
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