Two of a kind doesn't necessarily mean the same – especially when you're talking twins! That goes double for birthdays. Just because your children were born on the same day doesn't mean you have to give your child the same birthday gift or even the same party. But how can you make your twins' birthdays unique to each child without doubling the cost or the stress?

Considering Differences and Similarities
Jennifer Vanchoyck, mother of three, including twin 3-year-old girls, from Spencerville, Ohio, believes her daughters' individual interests should dictate the type of party they have, not that they happen to be twins. She already gives them separate cakes, and when they are older, she plans to throw them a double-themed party. "My girls are so completely opposite it is hard to clump them together," she says. "I believe treating them as individuals has really helped them grow, as far as their personality and their interests go."

Though Jamie Gerard and Renee Rubin of The Write Invite, a custom event planning company in Dallas, Texas, believe the individual tastes of each twin should be taken into account when planning their birthday party, their commonalities should be considered as well.

"Taking into account that twins often have very different likes, dislikes, abilities and friends, it is essential that all of those factors be accounted for in party planning for their special birthdays," says Rubin. "Picking a common theme helps pull the party together and can offer different avenues to allow each child to feel special and shine. The themes are endless. But finding a common twist makes the birthdays extra special and unforgettable." (See sidebar for theme ideas.)

"If using one common invitation, verbiage on the invitation can be changed slightly so that the invitation is from one child or the other and can be sent to two separate lists of friends or a group of common friends," says Rubin. "This often alleviates the sense of obligation from the guest to bring two gifts if they are only friendly with one of the siblings."

Give Your Twins a Say
Rubin believes that including the children in the party planning gives the kids the opportunity to feel important and allows for more individuality. "There are subtle ways to incorporate each child's personality or likes into the party, from selecting a special cake or icing flavor to the color or print of the napkins," says Rubin. "These subtle differences make it special for each child."

Having both children help plan the party also helps with compromise in the case of two very different personalities. For example, one can select the invitations, while the other can select the thank you notes. "Simple things like this really give the individual child ownership and pride and the true sense of having a birthday that is focused on them," says Rubin.

Gift-Giving
Though some people might want to buy one bigger gift for both twins, it may be a good idea to ask that people refrain from doing so, especially for younger twins.

Kendeyl Johansen's young twin boys were not amused when they received one gift for both of them to share. "One year my boys received a few larger presents together that people expected them to share," says Johansen, of Park City, Utah. "This was hard for my toddlers, and they didn't understand … both thought the present was 'mine!' I ask guests to please bring inexpensive presents for both … family and friends have responded well to my request."

This goes for cakes as well. If a family member offers to bake one, ask that they bake two – one for each twin – or you can offer to supply the other one. This will reinforce to everyone that the twins are individuals, not one child.

As far as what you should give your children, Stacy DeBroff, author of Mom Book: 4,278 of Mom Central's Tips – For Moms from Moms, suggests trying to pick unique gifts that relate to where each child is in his or her life. "That shifts the focus on how much is spent and on to how well you know your child's passions," says DeBroff.

Double the Expense?
DeBroff doesn't believe that you have to spend a lot of money to give your twins a special birthday that is individualized. "Unless you have boy/girl twins or twins in different schools, most parents will throw one party for both children," says DeBroff. "It's just too hard and not economical to do otherwise. Plus twins will always have some set of overlapping friends or cousins to invite."

One thing you can do to keep the birthdays reasonably priced is to have a themed party in your home or at a park. Taking a bunch of children to the ice rink, swimming pool or gym can get very expensive.

Parents of different sex twins, however, may find that they'll want their own parties. "Most boy/girl twins start out with a combined party … often with two competing themes that capture their personalities, but will quickly vote for separate celebrations around third grade," says DeBroff. "This is when the boys and girls split into separate birthday camps and rarely socialize together."

To keep down costs if this is the case, DeBroff suggests holding two smaller, more intimate parties for each child. "You could even plan a separate special play date at your house, such as a tea party for girls or a bake-your-own clay pot party as a 'private birthday celebration' with a few close friends of one twin and then do the same for the other," says DeBroff. Older children may go for birthdays at the park and semi-athletic outings like bowling, soccer, swimming or roller-skating.

Dollar stores offer excellent opportunities for fun and cost-effective party favors. Plus, the twins will love roaming the aisles and selecting different items. Remember to be clear on their budget, or you could walk away with much more than you planned for!

But no matter what type of celebration you plan, one of the most important things you can do is spend time with each twin. "I have three children under 3, so it's hard to spend time alone with them on a day-to-day basis," she says. "I think that's what makes it so special to do so on their birthdays." This one-on-one time may be the best birthday gift of all.

Want to see more?

• An Expensive Proposition: Raising Twins Without Breaking the Bank
• Dressing Your Doubles: Halloween Costumes for Multiples
• Just Like Me: The Challenges of Being a Preteen Twin
• Talk about it!